Before anyone calls foul on being left out of the loop – I do promise to backtrack on this story. And it was ready for posting last week…I just got distracted by my ‘real’ job and forgot…
Here’s the difference between men and women.
You share SHOCKING news with a woman and she will talk with you for hours dissecting every detail, scenario, meaning and possibly result of this news.
You share the same news with a man and you get this:
Me: “So, that dude I was pseudo-dating?”
Me: “Yeah, he’s married.”
Brother: “Oh…(something-something-something). So, you’re not like all emotional, right?”
Me: “Nah, I actually don’t really care.”
Brother: “Oh cool. Because Top Chef’s on. And I have to see who gets kicked off.”
And you know what? I caught myself laughing over and over whenever that conversation repeated itself in my head.
Now, let me just say this ~ and perhaps show a little piece of my age. The last time I really dated, there was no such thing as texting. Thank goodness no one under the age of thirty reads this. Otherwise I’d have to insert a whole paragraph here as to how in the the name of Are You There God It’s Me Margaret we used to communicate with one another. I’ve already given up on trying to explain “Why Grandpa Doesn’t Text” to my nephew.
Anyway – this totally threw me off my game. Or maybe the fact that I have no game threw me off my game. Hard to say, really. Either way – put me in a room, at a table, on a bar stool, at a concert – and I’m good to go. I’ll talk to anyone about anything and they’ll like it. Texting? Not so much.
So I kept plugging along.
Red flags? Just ignore those.
Now – here’s the funny next few hours. Being a girl….I spent a whole lot of time mulling over whether I’d miss something or misinterpreted something or confused something or was sabotaging this.
Alternating thoughts covered things like how I really didn’t like him that much anyway or how it was really no big deal or how it was nice to be back in the rodeo for a second or, most importantly, where I would be taking my car the next time.
Check your fluids? Pass.
I have a really big rule in dating. I mean after the I-Generally-Don’t rule. I will never, never, never, ever be the other woman. I just won’t do it. I’ve had my heart stomped on like a grape at a vineyard because of an ‘other woman’ and I will never do that to someone.
That being said, I’m not against a little fun.
And the fact that I knew dude was married – but he didn’t know I knew – sort of left the door open for a little fun.
I went to work the next day fully prepared to make it a day of unforgettable text messages. Texts like he’d never seen before. Texts that he’d only dreamt about on his best days.
Except three texts in I wanted nothing to do with dude anymore and handed my phone over to my work husband with instructions to handle it. Who then had some fun of his own, pretending to be me. After several open-ended-you-have-the-chance-to-fess-up questions, dude still kept the vault locked. At which point, we went in for the kill.
Of course…..shocker….dude promised a very long, thorough, dramatic explanation. And when I passed on story hour, he actually got a little peevy in his next text.
Thus ending my dabble in the dating pool.
But for the record….I did not sabotage this.
And also for the record….”Are you married” will no be moved up on the ‘getting to know you’ questions to immediately follow “What’s your name?”
And also, also for the record – if you ARE married? Don’t date. It’s pretty simple. So simple, I never thought it was something that should be pointed out. What do I know.
And now I’ve got to cut this short. Because Survivor’s on and I have to see what Phillip does tonight to piss off the rest of his tribe..
Wait…maybe men and women aren’t that different.