I’m a great runner. If it’s away from my problems.

I just realized I should write about my running career.  Because clearly, it’s not going last long, so I should use it to fill up some blog space while I can.

Here’s the deal.

I always wanted to be a runner.  Not like a track star or hurdler or whatever.  I just wanted to be one of those people who could throw on a pair of sneakers, go out and run a few miles and then come back looking all refreshed and exercised.  The idea of only needing a pair of sneakers and a boob bounce house to get a full workout is just appealing to me.  Like, if I were going on a trip, I could just throw some sneakers in my bag and know that I’d be able to work out everyday.

The glitch in this pipe dream?  I hate running. 

So every year for as long as I’ve been going to gyms – I’ve run a mile in January, just to say I can, and then move on to my usual machines like the Elliptical, Bike, Stair Climber, etc.. 

Now, don’t get me wrong – I have no problem breaking a dang good sweat and feeling the pain that comes with a good workout.  I love it – that exhausted wave of accomplishment.  It’s not that I’m lazy or afraid of pit stains.

It’s just that many of the times I’ve tried running I’ve gotten really confused as to why the Clydesdales were following me down the street.  Only to realize the noise I was hearing was, um, me.

So, every January, I put in a mile and call it a year.

Last year – I actually thought I’d gotten a permanent pass to running.  I’d jacked up my hip pretty good and had to take six months off of just about everything.  When I was getting back into tennis and the gym, I decided to run a bit.  The next day my hip hurt like ass.  So I just KNEW I had a free pass FOREVER!  Except I discovered a few months ago that it was actually the lunges I’d done on that same day that made my hip hurt. 

This year, I thought, why not?  Why not do something totally stupid?  And using my magic phone, I downloaded the C25K app.  Know what that is?

Couch 2 5k.

Supposedly, this magic app is going to take me from my most favorite spot in the world (the couch) to being able to run in a 5k (hell).  I have no idea why I thought this was a good idea – except, I love apps and the whole program only takes 9 weeks or so, and I figured, “Yeah, I got 9 weeks.”

It guides you super slowly towards finding your ‘inner runner’ with lots of walking and a few quick jogs thrown in.  I finally got it, I thought, if I run really tiny amounts of time, I don’t hate it as much.  A minute here, a minute there…totally feasible.

Then the jogs started to increase and the walks started to decrease.  Suspicious.

Today when I looked at the schedule, it said I was supposed to run for 20 minutes straight.

Which makes today the first day that I ignored the scheduled activity and went to the next one which seemed easier. 

The real hiccup actually came Wednesday. 

For five weeks, C25K has given me a weekly workout – you do the same combo of walking/running three days during a week.  The next week it moves to a little more running and then a little more the next week, etc.

Sunday, it was the first workout of Week 5 – three five minutes runs.  I managed.
Wednesday was the second workout of Week 5.  Should have been exactly the same.  Except as I’m on the treadmill I notice my app timer says 8:00min.  Hello? 

As I was tripping over my feet and hyperventilating trying to figure out how I could have possibly skipped ahead to an 8 minute week, I realized I was still on Week 5. Workout 2. 

C25K had bamboozled me. 

And now I was running slow enough to be considered backwards as I got my breath, wits and feet back in order.

I won’t fall for that again.  Today, before I even went to the gym, I checked the daily workout – hence the discovery of the 20 minutes run.  That I skipped.

Instead opting for run five minutes, walk three, run eight, walk three and run five which in reality turns out to be more than 20 minutes of ‘doing’ yet didn’t send me over any sweat soaked ledges.

Some highlights of my short running career:
* Week 3, Day 2 ~ forgot underwear and had to go commando.  Didn’t mind it.
* Week 4, Day 1 ~ as I was running I felt something on the back of my leg.  It was a knee high that had static clung to the inside of my running shorts and was now working its way out.
* Week 5, Day 1 ~ after doubling up on Bounce sheets should not have been surprised to find one on the towel I was using to wipe the sweat from my brow.
* Realizing (after reading about running) that I are not supposed to be panting like an elephant in heat.  And being happy that I could lower the speed at which I was running. 
* Forbidding myself from studying other runners to see if their form looks good in an effort to imitate them.
* Crossing the mile mark.
* Crossing the mile and a half mark.
* Crossing the two mile mark.
* Crossing the two and a half mile mark.  Today.

I really do want to make it to three miles.  Just not sure if it will ever be in one whole shot.
Everyone talks about getting in some zone where they don’t even notice how long they’ve been going.  I have that zone.  Except it only appears at nap time.  Or bars.

So, stay tuned.  The next update you see may be about actually running a 5k.  The more likely event will be a list of excuses as to why it’s okay NOT to be a runner.  Which I can then follow up with reason it’s okay that I’m still single.

Leave a Reply