Which Way's Up

Has it really been ten years?

Yesterday, on what was the second most epic day ever, our family celebrated its tenth anniversary. I say “our” because, when we were married ten years ago, it was truly a group event as we became a blended family that included a gal who had planned to stay single forever, a man who had yet to begin to recover from the end of his first marriage, and two tweens whose dents from divorce had yet to be discovered.

While Rich and I were the ones getting married that day, we included a dedication to the children as we promised to put our family unit first–vows we added at the last minute that became the most important and impactful moment of our wedding day.

Yesterday, we celebrated ten years together in a very different but equally important moment.

We were married in 2015, just months after I’d moved to Virginia and well before I had formed the local friendships that would carry me through the coming decade. For our wedding, we made the trek back to Raleigh, where I was from and were married at the Angus Barn, where we had met. The guest list leaned heavily to my side, including my family and my friends. On Rich’s side? His mother, father, and half-brother.

Yesterday, we renewed our vows right here in Richmond with a guest list that included our friends–the wonderful safety net that we have built throughout our marriage and who were not a blip on our radar ten years ago.

Family? Not so much. We lost both of our mothers this year. My father cannot travel quite this far, though he has been keeping up with the planning from a distance. My siblings have become part of my past and our eldest child opted out (both stories for another day).

Rich’s father and fiance (you remember, Susan, right?) carried the torch beautifully for those that were not present.

I’ve heard of people reviewing their vows and, admittedly, often responded with an internal eye roll.

I get it now.

If I had to summarize marriage in one sentence it would be this:

Getting married is easy but staying married is so, so difficult.

Rich and I joke about how we have stuffed 83 years of shit into our ten year marriage but, really, it is not a joke at all.

We have endured.

We have endured so much and yet there we stood, again, promising to carry on together as long as life would allow us. Our marriage has been marked with tumultuous moments that would have sent most running for the hills. It would have been so easy to run for the hills!

Yet, we have endured.

It’s not that there hasn’t been an equal amount of happiness and hilarity throughout our marriage. Heck, there probably has been more happiness and hilarity but it is those tumultuous moments that have shaped our bond and our partnership and our love for the life that we are building.

On paper, this is not a contract that we should renew. Only a lunatic would sign up for another ride on this crazy, chaotic train. Honestly, we are at the perfect exit point with kids grown and out of the house. This is a common stopping point for couples who are wanting to uncouple but uncoupling has never crossed either of our minds because, aren’t we finally getting to the good stuff?

Actually, it’s all been good stuff. Yes, even the tumultuous parts.

Celebrating with our local tribe first popped on our radar last year. These are the people who have lifted us up, dried out tears, and laughed at the hilarity. And, while we will never be able to fully thank them, inviting them to celebrate our milestone seemed like the perfect start.

Here’s to ten more years of laughter, love, tears and…maybe fewer tumultuous moments.

If not, that’s okay.