Last week, as I listened to a trailer for an upcoming podcast hosted by Jamie Kern Lima, my breath was absolutely stolen from me. Her guest? Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. The words? Get out of the prove-it game.
While the trailer was a small portion of the entire episode, I played it back multiple times–eventually pausing it over and over so that I could write down Meghan’s exact words. As the words continued to sit with me in the days following, I pulled up the podcast to listen to it in its entirety. I giggled when Jamie predicted that women and girls would be listening over and over because the idea of getting out of the prove-it game was so profound.
I did write down the entire piece, and I have read Meghan’s words over and over:
“We spend so much of our lives trying to prove something...to prove that you’re enough; to prove that you’re pretty enough; you have to prove that you’re smart enough. You prove that you are a good wife or a good friend or…I was like, I am just so done with the prove it game…when you get to the place where you feel…I don’t have to prove anything to you anymore.
I don’t have to prove that I’m a good person.
I don’t have to prove to you that I’m a good wife or mom or friend.
I don’t have to prove that I work hard.
And it can be really freeing…when you stop playing the prove-it game.
You’re proving nothing to anyone other than to yourself, and that takes a lot of time and that takes a lot of pain and, at least in my own experience, but to just really go, and not with an energy of like I’m over it. I don’t care.
I care, but I don’t have to prove it to you.
And if you can’t see it, I can’t…I don’t need to prove to you why that’s your loss because I know that I’m a great friend and I know the kind of mom I am and I know the kind of human being I am.
I know how I show up and I love being able to be that person with the people that I love.
So, you know worthiness…maybe part of worthiness comes when you stop having to feel like you’re in the prove-it game.”
(Jamie) “Not being in the prove-it game is so profound. It’s so simple, but so profound and so true. When every one of us actually just sees it from that perspective–I know, I’m a good person. I know I’m a great friend. I know all the things. I know I did my best. I’m doing my best. Getting out of the prove-it game feels like joy. It tastes like freedom.”
I have spent 54 years in the prove-it game.
I know I am a good person.
I am a good person who has dedicated far too much energy into proving to others, over and over, why they should pick me or love me or, simply, want me in their lives.
I have dedicated far too much energy into proving why, if they didn’t, it was their loss.
I live in the prove-it game.
We live in the prove-it game.
We have to prove that we are the best wife, mother, sister, daughter, or niece.
We have to prove that we are the most loyal friend.
We have to prove that we keep the cleanest house, grow the most beautiful garden, and never forget a single thing.
We have to prove that we are an irreplaceable employee, whether we work outside the home or not.
We have to prove we follow the healthiest diet or workout routine or prove why, on any given day, it’s okay to skip the salad or a trip to a gym.
We have to prove that we are the perfect parishioner, the most delightful customer, or the ideal patient.
We have to prove to our doctors that there really is something wrong.
We have to prove that we are strong and that our tears aren’t a symbol of weakness but simply a beautiful sign of how the female brain functions.
We have to prove that we have our lives together even as they may be actively falling apart.
We have to prove that we are trying our best over and over and over while knowing that, for some, that will never be enough.
We have to prove that we are worthy, even to ourselves.
We have to prove that we are worthy, mostly to ourselves.
Women live in the prove-it game.
It is time to get out.
To see the trailer of this amazing episode, click here. Watch or listen to the full episode on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Learn more about Jamie Kern Lima here.