As we approach the tenth anniversary of our 2015 nuptials, I’m reminded of the single most important thing we did when it came to preparing for our wedding. And, as I hear from many of my friends of anticipated spring engagements, I would be remiss if I didn’t pass this absolute pro-tip.
Get Married Ahead of Time.
Yes.
Before mothers across America slam their laptops shut lest their darling children see this genius route to happiness, hear me out.
Get Married Ahead of Time.
Rich and I got married nearly a whole year before our actual wedding. It truly was a game-changer, and I feel equipped to say this because ours was a tale of two (three, I suppose) weddings.
We were initially scheduled to be married on August 30, 2014. As we slugged through the planning phases throughout that year, the process quickly became…not as dreamy as I’d dreamed. Invite lists were stressful, dress shopping was traumatic, every item selected from food or dessert menus seemed to be triple the normal price and, my goodness, it seemed that every decision I made hurt someone’s feelings.
In early spring of 2014, we were unexpectedly delivered a pre-wedding gift from Rich’s ex-wife. It was delivered by the local sheriff and in the form of a summons to appear in family court as she pleaded for a change in custody of our shared children.
One of the first things our lawyer said was, “Any chance y’all can get married sooner than August? At least on paper?” The hearing was set for mid-summer in a county run by Sunday Christians. Living in sin could hinder the outcome.
Without hesitation, we reached out to the Justice of the Peace, invited him to our back porch and, on May 19, 2014, we got married–at least on paper. We didn’t exchange anything beyond the most basic vows–including rings. All the good stuff would wait three months when we stood in front of friends and family for our real wedding.
When I say that this simple ceremony lifted a weight from our lives, I am not exaggerating. When I tell you how sweet it was to share this secret with my now husband…well, it was wonderful.
We did think we were sneaking this paper-wedding in just a few months prior to our real wedding but life threw another wrench at us just a few weeks prior to our big day. It was such a big wrench that we had to cancel our August 2014 nuptials. Nothing scandalous here (sorry), just a family member in an awful accident that required our entire family to redirect our focus.
Rescheduling our wedding was a no-brainer, but the result was having to start over with all that planning, juggling, and mapping, except that there was no stress at the starting line.
No stress? Yes, no stress.
We were, after all, already married.
Our real wedding finally took place exactly a year after our paper wedding. Round two wasn’t completely bicker-free, but it was a heck of a lot better than round one.
Our guest list? Slashed in half as we determined that many of the folks on the initial list were invited because our extended family wanted to see them there, not us.
Our food list? Also slashed in half because who really needs a plated, multi-course dinner served by a white-gloved staff?
Our cake? Slashed into cupcakes from a local grocery store because wasn’t that so much more our style than a nine-tiered, flavorless, overpriced cake?
And, all along the route to Wedding: Take Two, we knew something that no one else did: We were already married.
If our “real” wedding day was a disaster, it did not matter at all.
We’d already done the important part and would have that back-porch moment in our memories forever. It was just for us. Well, us and Bubba–the Justice of the Peace. I wonder if he still thinks of that day, too.
Get Married Ahead of Time.
I’m not suggesting an elaborate elopement (to each his own, of course)–just a trip up to the courthouse to make a private appointment with your local Bubba.
There will still be a wedding with all the whistles and bells and walks down the aisle and blessings galore, but it will be more in the spirit of what a wedding should be: a true celebration rather than a show for an audience mostly made up of people you hardly even know.
As we approach the tenth anniversary of our 2015 nuptials, we are prepping for a party to celebrate the thirty-seven years of shit that we stuffed into those first ten years. Our first decade of marriage was…character building.
Loads of happiness, of course, but also loads of “What the eff?!?”
We are proud of our persistence and our commitment to our family. There were many moments when any of us might have packed a bag and left but none did. Except that one time, actually. Anyway, we pushed through.
Our first wedding took place on our pollen-draped back porch. Our second wedding took place three hours south, in Raleigh, where my friends lived. Our anniversary shindig and vow renegotiation renewal will take place right here in Richmond. This time, the audience will be filled with the dozens of friends that I’ve made since moving here–people who we have leaned on through the dark days and celebrated with on the others.
For those reading who are about to find themselves in the throes of planning an adult child’s wedding…maybe just print this out and leave it on his or her bed.
You won’t be sorry.
In fact, you may not even have to know if your child took the bait.
Girl, you really know how to tell a story. Bubba? Really?