Go in with Delusion

Go in with Delusion may be my new favorite phrase though, looking back, it explains much of my approach to life. I could never nail down why I “do the things I do,” beyond having a personality type that bounces from competitive to Type-A to OCD to perfectionism but “going in with delusion” makes more sense than any of that. 

So, what does it mean, to Go in with Delusion?

For me, it is approaching tasks and goals with zero thoughts of not succeeding. Unconsciously, I assume that, no matter what I aim to do, I will. That may not sound that wild when thinking about day-to-day life, but I have had some wild ideas and dreams. Whether the mundane or the wild, once locked in, the idea of failure never really crosses my mind. I rarely have a thought that starts with “What if it’s too hard?” or “What if I can’t do it?” or “What if I fail?”

On one hand, I tend to do everything with intention, very thoughtfully planned out. On the other hand, I tend to dive in without looking back. I go in with delusion

My husband often praises my persistence. He tells me that he is amazed by my ability to decide to do something (ie…I’m going to write a book), come up with a plan (I’ll write one hour a day for an entire year.), tweak that plan (Actually, I’ll plant myself at the kitchen table three times a week from 4:00 to 9:00 am), and then cross the finish line (Done, book written and published. Check!). 

While I appreciate my husband’s words, they don’t always compute because – Well, yeah, of course I published a book; that’s what I said I was going to do.  

Going in with Delusion is not the same as Delusions of Grandeur. The latter is fixed, false beliefs of superiority, though reality points to the contrary. Going in with Delusion is setting aside all those “what if’s” that create roadblocks on the road to achievement. Go in with Delusion.

Looking back on twenty years as a gymnast, I can see endless moments where I “went in with delusion.” When learning a new skill, I didn’t worry about crashing because I could only see myself nailing it, first try. Did I crash, anyway? Of course. I crashed often but that didn’t matter because I was going to nail the next attempt, right?

As most of my friends applied to colleges (plural), I applied for college (singular). This didn’t make my mother very happy but I couldn’t understand why I would apply to a bunch of schools that I didn’t want to go to. Didn’t it make more sense to simply apply to the one that I wanted to go to and just get in? Yes, I see the flawed logic now (my poor mother) but I also see that approach with delusion, quite clearly. 

The same can be said in the workplace. I never applied for positions that I was meh about because then I’d have to come up with a reason to decline the inevitable job offer. On the flip side, I have gotten nearly every job I’ve applied for as I went into each interview process with delusion. I am here because they are going to hire me. No, I didn’t get every job I applied for and, when I didn’t get an offer, I really was baffled. 

If you’ve followed me for more than five minutes, you know that the biggest missed “Go in with Delusion” mark was when I became a stepmom. Though my husband gave me loads of warning on how challenging it would be, I brushed him off because – Hello? I’m going to kick ass. It’s not that I didn’t kick ass, but there were certainly more times stepmomming kicked my ass, instead. 

Going in with delusion does have its challenges. 

I am currently living in the virtual land down under as I work though nine billion classes for my Tourism Australia certification. Once those classes are complete, I’ll apply for a “familiarization” trip, sponsored by Tourism Australia – though there is no guarantee that I’d be selected. My brain? My brain doesn’t register not getting selected so I’m lowkey panicking at traveling so far solo. Hello? Why am I already worried about this when the chances of being invited are quite slim?  

Because I go in with delusion. 

Of course, I’m going to win (whatever the challenge). 

Of course, I’m going to start, finish, and publish a book (and another and another). 

Of course, I’m going to be the best stepmom ever (well…).

Of course, I’m going to learn how to cook. 

Of course, I’m going to go to the Olympics (once I find my sport). 

Of course, I’m going to obliterate any goal I set for myself. 

Of course, of course, of course.

Last weekend, we added a piano to our household. Not an actual piano, but an electronic keyboard that feels and sounds very much like a piano. I’ve toyed with this addition for years, but have always pushed it aside. Our home is filled with a variety of string instruments (mostly guitars) so, whenever that urge to be musical bubbled up, I had options right here in front of me. For years, I plucked and strummed and squinted to understand the notes but, no matter how determined I was to learn guitar, it just hasn’t happened for me. 

But a piano? It seems so obvious now that it’s sitting in the next room. I’m already imagining how it’s going to feel to spot a vacant piano, at the mall or in a restaurant or on a cruise ship, and plopping down to bang out a few fun songs. Of course, that will happen. I just have to figure out where Middle-C is, first.  

Go in with Delusion.