Which Way's Up

Like many of us lately, I’ve found that within five seconds of opening my socials, I’m ready to throw myself out the nearest window. My feeds have become so laden with the political climate that I’ve essentially forgotten what the socials were actually designed for: sharing videos of kittens attacking paper towel rolls. Well, actually to serve as a digital peek into our lives that allowed us to share exciting milestones without whipping out an accordion of Polaroids but, still, the kittens.

There was a time when algorithms weren’t a thing and we all had complete control of what appeared in our feed as there were no ads produced by big brother because he thought he heard us mention Halloween themed gripper socks in passing two years prior. Algorithms have gotten so wonky that even mentioning your mama’s amazing iced sweet tea will cause a flood of uncomfortable ICE entries to our attempts of a relaxing scroll on the toilet.

It’s no wonder that many of us walk around riddled with anxiety and anger.

After a rather heated debate with my husband last weekend, he dared to suggest I lay off the socials for a bit and even avoid the news. What the shite?? I mean, am I supposed to revert to reading the shampoo bottles again? Are we back to living in the 1900’s? Has anything really changed since “ Wash, rinse, repeat.”?

Wait…one…minute..

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Could these simple instructions also be the key to changing my feeds? Turns out, yes.

For the last week, I’ve only clicked on items that bring me the most innocent and pure joy possible. Dogs leaping into pools while their owners beg them not to? Yes. Loved ones hiding under the bed for the ultimate jump-scare? Absolutely. Aussies explaining weird words in their weird dialect? Of course. Is that an otter? I don’t know, but it’s adorable. I’ve also managed to make Yungblud the primary entry in my TikTok feed. I’m sure that borders on creepy for a fifty-something but, well, joy.

I am delighted to report that my algorithm is, in fact, changing as I retrain my feed.

I’ve learned that orange cats lead the cat-pack in impish behavior. I’ve learned that people will cook anything in their air fryer just to see what happens (and I’ve learned that I will not attempt most of their suggestions). I’ve gotten endless ideas on how to decorate my ten-foot-skeleton in the off-season. I’ve discovered a shark who discovered beef for the very first time and have spent hours thinking about that shark and whether it is spending hours thinking about where that delicious piece of meat came from.

My husband is tired of hearing about that shark so I’m now tasked with sharing it here so that he can hear it one more time as he edits this entry.

Sorry, love, I’m obsessed.

Scientists Sink Cow in the South China Sea. Gigantic Animal Appears Out of the Gloom..

While I understand that the point of this article in BBC Wildlife was to highlight an amazing research moment, I have locked in on how that shark is feeling today. Scientists dropped the cow-cass deep into the South China Sea with a camera attached to see…who or what bit. Within minutes, an enormous sleeper shark came out of the murk for a surprise lunch giving the scientists first-time footage of the creature in this area of the world.

I’m sure they’ve poured over that footage for hours and hours and hours, taking meticulous notes and digital measurements and jumping for joy at their luck.

Me?

I can’t stop thinking about how this mammoth got a taste of beef for the very first time ever in its life, and also…for the last time ever.

That’s accurate right? Anything that lives in the ocean is a pescatarian or vegetarian? Any marine-biologists able to weigh in? Sure, I suppose the argument could be made that some sharks get the occasional taste of a human leg but I’m not really interested in seeing that in my social feeds so let’s move on.

I shared this article and my thoughts with my husband thinking that he would have the same thoughts. He did not. He grunted “Oh, interesting,” and went back to guitar shopping while I sat staring at him until I finally blurted out, “But doesn’t it make you wonder what would have happened if the shark was allergic to beef?!?” Now I had his attention. “And how about the fact that that shark is now really sad because he’ll never again find beef on the menu?”

I’ll let him enter his thoughts here: Sigh . . . there’s something seriously wrong with you, love. Please, for the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary, let go of the shark.

Anyhoo…

Take a memo. If your socials are sending you into a spiral every time you open them, take control. I’m not suggesting that we all throw our heads in the news-sand, of course. I am saying that social media was designed to be fun, light, and a joyous hub to share silly pictures of our pets, conquered crafts, first-day-of-school updates, and new culinary discoveries.

Including those for sleeper sharks in the South China Sea.