Hello and welcome to the 2024 edition of “Are you ready for Mother’s Day?”
If you’re reading a paper copy of this, it means that someone you love has printed it out and strategically left it on your desk or on the kitchen table or in the bathroom reading pile. If you’re reading a paper copy of this, it also means that that same someone suspects that you are not, in fact, ready for Mother’s Day.
While much of what I’m about to write will reference Mother’s Day proper, please know that it also applies to Stepmother’s Day, a day that comes with its own level of stress.
How to get ready?
Rule #1: Get ready in silence.
Rule #2: See Rule #1
I know, that probably doesn’t help much but the harsh reality is that the best gift you can give the mother of your children is a break from all decisions.
What do mothers want most on Mother’s Day?
Not to have to plan their own festivities.
If your first step in planning Mother’s Day starts with the words, “So, what do you want to do for Mother’s Day?” then you have just canceled any incoming joy by taking the day from special to stressful. You see, volleying that question completely changes the lead-up from exciting to exhausting. A mother handed the responsibility to guide the fate of her fete will immediately shift gears, spending more time thinking about activities that the whole family will enjoy rather than suggesting activities that she would actually like to do.
Exhibit A: One of the broken records in our home is played during the Christmas season. While I (the mother) tend to spend the entire year with one eye locked on store shelves, my family does not. Much of my life involves casual glances while out and about ready to pick up gifts that I know will make a perfect (future) present for my husband, children, or extended family members. By the time Christmas arrives, I have a nice little cache of gifts specific to each of my loved ones, all picked up in a moment of “Oh, this reminds me of…” or “I bet (insert name) will love that.”
On the flip side, on or around December 22nd, my husband and children will come to me with a not-so-casual, “So, what do you want for Christmas?” while trying to hide the panic in their voices. My first thought is always “Oh my God, why are you asking this two days before the stores all close!?!?” I feel a bit deflated as I immediately flash back to the pile I’ve built by thinking of others year-round. I then brace myself for the inevitable follow-up, “Your present might be a few days late.”
Well, yeah. I suspect so. I will never understand why Christmas, birthdays, and yes, Mother’s Day are always a surprise and always require me to swoop in for the hero shot.
Rule #1: Get ready in silence. Do not let her know that you forgot about Mother’s Day. Do not let her know that, despite living with her 365 days per year, you’ve no idea what might make the mother in your home feel warm and fuzzy.
Rule #2: See Rule #1
What do mothers want more than anything? A zero decision, zero pressure day.
Admittedly, Mother’s Day expectations have gone a bit bananas over the last decade and we have brunch to blame. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t a woman in the world who doesn’t love brunch…but brunch on Mother’s Day? Chaos, stress, screaming children, matching outfits, glamorous gifts. We’ll pass.
Restaurants are overcrowded with impatience as we wait for a table reserved months prior. Matching outfits collect spills that we will later fight to clean and, well, okay, yes to the gifts. Mother’s Day brunch menus are often dumbed down to items that can be made in bulk, served lukewarm, and delivered quickly to a room filled with screaming toddlers. Stress sweat? Your table’s ready. What mother doesn’t love eating undercooked eggs and cold waffles while sweating all her makeup off?
There isn’t a woman out there that doesn’t love brunch but save it for another day. Any. Other. Day. Look, I’ll even throw out a few softballs for the win:
- Breakfast in bed? It’s a great idea…If you’re celebrating a person who loves to wake up and immediately eat. Me? I’m more of a coffee-first person who will work up to breakfast once everyone else is fed and on their way. Make note of how breakfast works in your household. No matter where or when you opt to serve that at-home, Mother’s Day breakfast, plan ahead. Don’t be the guy grabbing stale muffins from the grocery store at 6:00 am or asking rapid-fire questions on how the oven works at 07:00 am.
- Skip the coupons. Sure, it’s super cute to hand over a pile of notecards scrawled with “One Free Hug,” “Vacuum Living Room,” or “Cook Dinner.” The problem? Those coupons not only smell wildly of last-minute planning but also hand the responsibility for redemption to the woman who wants less responsibility not more. Unless your coupon idea includes the words “I have just set an alarm on my phone to remind myself to take down the garbage once a week so that you no longer have to nag me,” skip it.
- Mother’s Day Binge? Winner, winner. Binge-watching has taken off over the last four years (thank you, 2020) but moms still have an incredibly difficult time swimming in this pool. Why? Because whenever we sit down to watch anything, our brains immediately start ticking off things around the house that could be getting done during this downtime often limiting that binge to a single episode. For Mother’s Day? Create a cocoon filled with a cozy blanket, the television remote, and a basket of mom’s favorite snacks–then disappear. No really. Do not be a hero here and start digging into that honey-do list unless you are very much out of sight. It is genetically impossible for a woman to remain engrossed in anything enjoyable if someone else is handling housework just feet away. Be gone.
Are you seeing the theme here? What mothers want more than anything on Mother’s Day is nothing. Zero. No decisions. No scheduled events that require more than yoga pants. No requests for hints. Nothing. That may mean ordering pizza for dinner and a serving set that includes disposal everything. But, please, make sure that pizza includes toppings she loves, even if it’s pineapples.
As for those of you with Stepmoms in your home, know that while April Showers Bring May Flowers…they also bring blended-family anxiety. As the month of May kicks off, so does endless internal dialogue as stepmoms prepare for all sorts of feelings. Will I be remembered on Mother’s Day? Will the kids consider me as a celebrant? Will the bio-mom insist that she nab that entirety of the Mother’s Day hours?
I suppose that is why, years ago, the Sunday following Mother’s Day was marked as the unofficial Stepmother’s Day. No, Hallmark hasn’t jumped on that one and, if I’m being honest, it is still exhausting.
Having to witness all the “real” Mother’s Day events while patiently waiting our turn? Ugh. Knowing that the family has shot their emotional or organizational load a week before our big day is disheartening. We may say that it’s okay or that it doesn’t matter or that we don’t want anyone to feel like they are stuck in the middle but…yes, it’s all a lie. We may be Stepmoms but we are still real people with real feelings who want to be acknowledged.
Husbands/Fathers/etc…Step/Mother’s Day is complicated.
We (the mothers, the stepmothers, etc.) know this.
Mother’s Day involves juggling plans and people.
Mother’s Day involves splitting your attention among multiple people who strive to get all of your attention.
Mother’s Day will send you in a dozen different directions.
Mother’s Day will leave you feeling sure that, whichever direction you choose, you will surely disappoint someone.
Mother’s Day will leave you exhausted and spent and praying that next year it will be canceled.
Mother’s Day is the one day each year that you, my dear husband, are required to play the incredibly difficult role of…the Mother.
Are you ready?
