With any luck, a month from today the audiobook version of What to Expect When You Weren’t Expecting will be playing in cars across America. I posted recently that I’d finally finished the bulk of editing–as in, editing is done but now the mastering begins and why are there always seven more steps?!? Upon hitting that “post” button, I had several question marks returned or notes asking if I was serious–as in, was I really doing an audiobook?
Yes. Also, I had no idea how many audio readers there are in the world, but more on that later.
The next question is always “Oh my God, please tell me you’re recording it yourself.” Also yes and I absolutely blame my pal Reed who talks me into doing shit with a simple smile. Of course, we all need a friend like this but definitely get one who has smaller goals for you. Reed could have suggested I jump onto the sourdough starter bandwagon, for instance, but instead, he went with “If you don’t record the audio, I won’t listen.”
Fine.
For the last year, I have been recording and editing and recording and editing. I began soon after the written book hit the market and, as is customary, it has been so much harder than I expected. There’s a strong possibility I should have asked some professional readers what the best and most efficient process was, but well, oops. Have I learned that and more? Yes. Too much, in my opinion. Haven’t I learned enough in the last decade? My brain is full.
One thing I learned was that, with that announcement marking the completion of editing, I hadn’t really announced that there was an audiobook in the works. That caught me off guard, honestly. Had I really been mum’s the word? When I was in the process of the written book, I pretty much shared every nitty-gritty detail with everyone from my family to my socials to the women working at the Kohls’ returns counter.
Apparently, publishing a second book is not nearly as glamorous.
No, I know, it’s not truly a second book because it’s the same book in a different format but it’s not like I just pushed a button to translate every word to Hindu, I actually had to read every blessed word while standing in the small box that is my eldest child’s closet/sound booth. Have you ever peeked into your child’s closet? Did you desire to stand in there for hours and hours and hours? Yeah, me neither.
I especially didn’t want to stand in there reading to myself for six months.
I thought I’d knock out those recordings in less than a week, right? Just pop on in for an hour or so a day, a chapter per day, and *bam!* an audiobook in less than 14 days! With six minutes of recording, I had about twelve epiphanies that could be traced straight back to the first time my editor said “I think this book is too long, why don’t you cut it down by twenty-thousand words?”
Just after the written version of What to Expect When You Weren’t Expecting, was being added to carts around the world, a more seasoned writer told me that a great “final check” before publishing anything was to read it out loud, books included.
Um, sure. But, like, the whole thing? I immediately added that step to many of the articles written since, though the reading is mostly silent and often forgotten. At that time, having no idea what I was about to dive into the audiobook pool, I thought, “Well thank god I’ll never have to do that!” And even if I did opt to dive into that pool, I never dreamed of being my own reader. First, like everyone on the planet, I’m not a fan of my own voice. Second, oh right, my book was really, really long.
Surely I would hire someone to read the book if I went that route, right?
Seventeen minutes into recording I was wondering exactly why I’d insisted on three-hundred-plus pages and whether anyone really appreciated the endless multi-syllabic words used. I knew by minute twenty that I certainly did not appreciate the length of the book or the length of the words and began questioning whether I was even qualified to speak the English language aloud.
But I was learning!
That’s what I kept telling myself–that any learning experience was a good one.
Perhaps the biggest irony of all this recording and editing and listening and critiquing is that I do not listen to audiobooks at all. I barely listen to podcasts (shoutout to you @gymcastic). With nothing to compare the process to, I just kept plugging away into eternity in what I thought was the best way.
A few days ago, I learned that I didn’t have to edit out every inkling of breathing in my narration. What the actual eff?? Time spent editing probably could have been cut in half had I known that those reading (me) were not obligated to pass out mid-paragraph for fear of a breath being heard on playback. I found this out when I questioned my husband’s insistence on breathing as he was recording his bits and he turned me with a gentle, “Have you never listened to an audiobook before?”
Well, this was awkward.
I haven’t yet gone back and listened to any of my completed work. If I wasn’t nervous before, I sure as shit am now as it seems incredibly obvious that my first step in audiobook land should have been to listen to a few. Still, my husband has assured me that the quality of audiobook recordings spans the spectrum from terrible to terrific and that true listening aficionados have endless grace if the content is well-written.
I hope they also have a lot of grace for content that is twenty thousand words too long and full of words so big that I failed to pronounce 37% of them correctly.
Okay, okay, you made it this far. Want a sneak listen? Sure! After listening to my husband’s bits (his recorded bits, not his actual bits…that would be weird) just this morning, I was thrilled. Rich is reading the “in-betweens” which are explained further on this page. Guess what else is on this page? YES!!! A sneak peek! Or listen. Click here.
I signed my contract with Audible last week with much less hoopla than when I signed with Atmosphere for the written version. The cover was finalized within about five minutes with a few tweaks in Canva and an upload. There is now a virtual book bin with my name on it, waiting for those endless audio files. More updates coming soon..if I remember to share them.
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